What Is Love?

   I'm missing a piece of me. A critical part. I suppose I was born much like every other person. I'm just missing one crucial piece. They've forgotten a heart. Where my heart should be is a cavity with nothing inside except a small black stone. Cold and hard.

   Unfeeling.

   Love. What was it about love? It's what everybody had. What everyone wanted. What everyone spent their entire lives searching for. Everyone, that is, except for me. Love was such an alien topic. A concept I could never grasp. A desire I never felt. Not that I ever felt much.

   Stones don't leave you much in way of feeling. All you feel is how the stone feels. Cold and hard. Small, alone, and lost. Always something there just out of grasp. Something you can't quite figure out. Something...

   Missing.

   And of course something was missing. Had I been able to peer into my chest I'd have known just what it was. But, as that is not possible, I went on living as I always had. Cold, hard, and alone. Never knowing love. Never knowing desire. Friendship. Companionship.

   I was simply alone. And I went on alone for most of my life. Always seperated from everyone else. Withdrawn. Didn't have to try hard because people stayed away on their own. I suppose they could tell I was different. It was just natural human behavior. They don't like what is different, what they can't understand, what they can't explain. To tell the truth they are...

   Afraid.

   Terrified of anyone and anything that is different than themselves. I was indeed different and so I was avoided. Shunned. Driven away with taunts, insults, and even force. It is the natural thing to do, when afraid, and so it is understandable. You get whatever you fear the most as far away from you as possible. The familiar is what makes you feel calm and safe.

   All was fine though. I had no need to be close to these people. My peers. And so I never tried to get any closer to begin with. Things were simply as they were. I accepted that and went on alone. Unknowing that I was...

   Incomplete.

   And then I met the one person who was different from the rest. A girl. Someone who wouldn't shy away from my differences. Someone who didn't care that I was any different at all. This person grew close to me. Even fond of me. She always came back. Stuck around trying to get a reaction.

   And then one day she said, "I love you." With that, the stone cracked. A deep fissure was made that reached into the very center of the stone. Where inside a very small, and very fragile, heart, beat weakly. A heart devoid of every feeling. A heart not knowing how to function. A heart that never knew...

   Love.

   Over time, and with great patience, my heart grew. And it began to feel. Of course with so much time gone by, so much missed, there was so much yet to learn. The feelings were muddled and unclear. The heart unsure of what it felt half the time. The feelings so new. Every other heart had had years to function and mine had it's mere first weeks.

   The girl grew impatient with me. My heart may be new but my brain was full of logic and understanding. It's how I made sense of this world. Everything was logic. And I understood why she would be so impatient. Her heart was so much more capable. Functioned fully. And was brimming with a love that could not be controlled. While mine felt...

   Something.

   Love? Was it love the heart felt? What exactly was love? Was it that feeling you got in the pit of your stomach? The need to keep someone safe? Protect them? The tears that fell for every time they were hurt? The ache for every time you couldn't help? All the great pain that comes from not being able to give them the world, everything they need, and everything they deserve?

   Is that what it is to love? How it feels to love someone? If so, then I loved. I loved her. Maybe not as completely, maybe not as functional, and never nearly as much as she loved me. But it was love. And it was there. And it remains. I've no doubt it will always...

   Remain.

   I am a person of logic. A person who tries to make sense of this world. A person who, until very recently, never knew love. But thanks to a girl, who never gave up, I can feel. And with as much pain that comes along with it, I am still very grateful.

      For the first time in my life I can love.