Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
Shop deviantART for the
holidays and save BIG!
Click here! :holly:
[x]

deviantART

:blowkiss:
 

Heartbeat To Heartbeat by *OctoberAzriel:iconOctoberAzriel:



Palm to palm...

The rain washed over us. The kind of rain that soaks through all the layers. Settling deep within you. Cleanses the soul. And here we are, in nothing more than night clothes, fingers laced, eyes closed, standing in the rain.

Body to body...

Every sense was attuned to the growing proximity. Drunk off the very nearness of you. Aware of the building heat between us as we huddled closer for warmth. Arms tangled around eachother, cheeks pink, grinning. Not needing to speak. Content.

Breath to breath...

Evidence of our laughter fogging the air between us. Wispy trails of steam in the cold night. So many breaths and yet my lungs are not empty. They are still aching with the many breaths that I long to share with you. Look up at me. Can't you tell?

Heartbeat to heartbeat...

Shifting in slow motion. Your lips graze, ever-so-softly, against mine. Everything goes quiet. All that can be heard is the steady beating of our hearts. Perfectly in tune with one another. Playing to the same rhythm. Heartbeat to heartbeat.
Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
:iconoctoberazriel:

Author's Comments

Haven't had any time to write lately. Well...unless it was
a written assignment for school. Finally got some time to
write something non-school related. Began writing this at
3 A.M. and finished it on the bus...

Critiques


:iconcartheinsane:
This is so beautiful. I am left stunned.

Favorite line: So many breaths and yet my lungs are not empty.

That line is so magnificent. I love this whole piece, though. I feel like I'm really there. I can relate. I can feel this. It is an amazing feeling. Like floating. The kiss feels so suspenseful. I love this piece so much. Despite the heartbeat to heartbeat idea, being a bit cliche, you took that cliche and made it so beautiful. I renewed it into a feeling that is so universal. A feeling that most anyone should be able to understand.

Well done.
The Artist thought this was FAIR
7 out of 7 deviants thought this was fair.

Thank you for your Critique

You are not logged in.

Comments


love 3 3 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 1 1 neutral 0 0
:iconmossflower16998:
Pwetty :3

--
Lately I've been numb...I swear I'm getting better. Or has it just begun?It really doesn't matter,because the way I see, things will end as they're meant to, just like wee do"
:iconoctoberazriel:
:hug: Thanks Ella.

--
"Here's our only conversation we've ever had without using our words to show. And our love is a creation of all the things that
have ever had a chance to grow."

Charades - Stephen Jerzak
:iconwords-of-a-weirdo:
One word:
Beautiful.

--
"I paint the world in words."
:iconoctoberazriel:
Thanks Em.:hug:

--
"Here's our only conversation we've ever had without using our words to show. And our love is a creation of all the things that
have ever had a chance to grow."

Charades - Stephen Jerzak
:iconrowanwatersprite:
M'dear. This is so wonderful. I have no words to add.
:)
I absolutely love it.

--
A writer is someone who gets paid to tell them where to go and how to get there.
:iconteaphotography:
:wow: SO pure and sincere this sense of happiness. So well conveyed. How lovely and well described, and I truly love it. :heart:

--
---
Passion for Compassion:
[link]:tea::camera:
STORE: [link]:tea::camera:
~*~*~*~*~*~
Life is art, messy yet beautiful all at once. ~Tea of Tea Photography
:tea::camera:
:iconespalion:
Rain and romance just fit, huh?
This more or less happened to me yesterday. Reading your poem was like living it all over again.
Lovely.
:iconoctoberazriel:
Something magical about rain. I'm glad you enjoyed
the poem and thank you so much for the favorite.:heart:

--
"Here's our only conversation we've ever had without using our words to show. And our love is a creation of all the things that
have ever had a chance to grow."

Charades - Stephen Jerzak
:iconoctoberazriel:
Thanks so much. I really appreciate it.:hug:

--
"Here's our only conversation we've ever had without using our words to show. And our love is a creation of all the things that
have ever had a chance to grow."

Charades - Stephen Jerzak
:iconoctoberazriel:
Thanks so much Tea. It really means a lot to me.
So very glad you enjoyed it.:hug::heart:

--
"Here's our only conversation we've ever had without using our words to show. And our love is a creation of all the things that
have ever had a chance to grow."

Charades - Stephen Jerzak

Details

October 20
1.2 KB

Statistics

46
29 [who?]
214 (0 today)
2 (0 today)

Share

Link
Thumb

Site Map